Well...... here I am again. Confused more than anything else. 

Last week was so tough.

He was in town.

He saw my son everyday.

And I had to take the stand.

Tuesday was my hearing. I had to take out a big loan to pay for the most feared attorney and boy was he worth it. When he was on the stand and my attorney started questioning him it was as if he had met his match and been bested.

His own attorney was grilling him as if he were on trial and was the prosecutor. It was shocking. 

When my attorney started asking him about my assault.... you would have been so proud of me..... I looked him in the eyes with that "you know what you did" look. He tried to shut me down with his eyes but I wouldn't back down and break eye contact. 

Thats when it happened, thats when the demonic surfaced in his eyes and then went back. It had me quite uncomfortable. I was not going to give in to the feeling of wanting to run from it and maintained eye contact till the questions moved from the assault. 

It was so hard. To look him in the eyes and know he had no remorse and felt justified in his actions. To see that he thinks nothing of what he did to me or how he changed my life. It was hard.

They chose not to call me to the stand. Honestly, I wasn't surprised. Yet again one more person trying to silence my voice. But. My attorney had me go up. He let me have my voice, and I did good. I was brave and never once shed a tear. 

His attorney couldn't even articulate any questions for me. It was as if God had tangled his tongue. We were shocked. And I mean we, I had many friends and family there to support me. I couldn't have done it without them. 

Things went long and they had to break for lunch. Things got pushed a week from the exact day. 

So this Tuesday I had round two, while he was far overseas and by phone. 

This day was a completely different day. I woke up and felt so sick to my stomach. I threw up at least once. I was a mess on the stand and his attorney grilled me. I couldn't hold it together. Something was wrong and my spirit knew it. This was also the first time I didn't overwhelmingly feel the Lords presence with me in the courtroom. 

Then it happened, the ruling. It went bad. So bad. The judge overlooked truth. He has put orders in place that can be so dangerous for my son. Especially with the threats over 7 years. I think the judge believed when he stated it was a vexatious allegation or false report of assault. 

Why do people still think this is a real thing? Less than 1% of all reported assaults are untrue and yet it is assumed that most are. Thats just based on whats reported, and whose to say the person isn't pressured to say its fake!!

Im flabbergasted that the judge didn't see truth and ruled dangerously for us. But I will not lose heart and I won't give up. I know God cannot lie and He promises freedom. I will receive it in completeness.

This isn't over!

This is just the beginning of my Journey, just you wait and see.