Have you heard the new song by Bebe Rexha and Martin Garrix: In the Name of Love?
It so beautifully demonstrates God's love for us and the ability to trust Him in all things.
I am facing this court battle yet again. They are trying to put me back in that cage and this song is giving me courage.
I've been fighting so hard for so long and I just feel so weary.
I have to keep reminding myself that feelings lie. You may feel them and that is true but they are always borne out of a situation or circumstance that effects your emotions in an extreme way.
If you are at all familiar with the family court process you know that mediation comes first then the hearing. Mediation is supposed to be a neutral third party helping you to come to some type of agreement.
I had the worst mediation of my life a few weeks ago. Not only was I verbally torn apart by my assailant, but I was also torn apart by the mediator. I walked straight to my car and screamed like I haven't in this whole 7 year journey.
I had to get the feelings of being abused out and my anger at being controlled and my frustrations of feeling defeated and just the whole thing.
I had to lose it for a moment so I could pull myself up again and keep going. I had things to do for the day and it was just a moment. A toxic evil and repulsive moment. But a moment nonetheless.
I was forced into making agreements that I didn't want and don't approve. I felt violated again and the Saturday after I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I fell apart.
I laid down on the floor of my room and just sobbed for a good two hours. Couldn't move, couldn't talk. Numb and broken.
I still feel this way a bit. Like paper scotch taped in a windstorm. Fragile. I feel fragile.
I don't understand how someone so evil can carry so much weight in their words to make people believe them. Its so wrong.
I know I'm not being very encouraging however I know that as I declare this, I know God will move because His word says so. He does not make empty promises. His word declares that Whom He has set free is free indeed.
I have been set free and He wouldn't bring me out to keep me in bondage.
Its time for it to come to completion. Its time for the final freedom to begin. Its time for the return on investment. I call in my promise and I rise to the occassion.
**Keep us in prayer as we need it ever so much right now.**