To be honest it has been a very hard time since the court hearings. I was going to post months ago and have not been able to emotionally. I came today to revise and post what I have below but I feel it will do more good left unedited. I wrote this shortly after the last hearing in January and I couldn't finish. I was too broken. Please read on, I will post a new one soon to give you an update of how things are now.


-Hi guys.......(deep sigh)........ honestly I don't really know what to say...... I felt so hopeful and ready for a miraculous outcome. 

And yet... my ways are not God's ways. In all actuality the outcome was far better than initially thought. 

When you walk out of a courtroom it seems like no matter what your shell shocked. You can try to prepare for it but in the end it won't matter. It never goes how you think it will. 

I am so unhappy with my attorney at this point. It seems as if he just rolls over and only argues on the points he thinks are relevant. UGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

That being said the whole experience has left me with an overall feeling of disappointment in my country and government. My heart aches, the kind of dull ache from so deep within that you can't put your finger on it, until you sit still and think about where its coming from.

I got what mattered most to me. No custody for the other party (legal or physical), and no name on birth documents, no foreign citizenship or visits. 

However they awarded him unsupervised visits and graduating to overnights when he can come to the USA. 

He has more to pay in child support and has surprisingly been paying it. We tried to have him charged with contempt but due to my attorney being a putts and not fighting hard enough it got dismissed, not once but twice. And because my government won't protect us. I am.  

I had an erie calm in the courtroom and proceeding afterwards. It has now turned into a zombie like functionality of life. 

I want it all to be over so much. None of his pursuit is about my son. Its all how he can still manipulate and control me. 

He didn't even see him when he traveled to the USA!!!!-


I promise I will post again soon and let you know how life is going. This was just so raw and I know so many can relate. It left me very broken and emotional to write it that it took a while to recover. I want each of you to know that you can and will. With time. Always with time.