Wow time is flying by....This has been one of the hardest times of my life. And yet one of the most satisfying.
I had to do mediation about two weeks ago now. This meant that I had to see my assailant face to face....... after 6 years.
To be honest I almost ran away. From everything. I was going to pack up my son and I and just run. I couldn't do it, I couldn't face him. He was evil pure evil. He still is. But...... What do you accomplish from running. It just makes you have to face the problem later and with more baggage and problems.
So I did my best and put on my big girl panties. I kinda fell apart in the car before I went in.
I kinda barely held it together as I walked in looking everywhere to make sure that I wasn't ambushed.
Then as I turned the corner I saw him..... a great strength rose inside me.... my back straightened...my chin rose...and my face just spoke of "how dare you".
I did as the amazing Benny Perez says "walk like a boss" and so I did.
I starred him straight in the eye and didn't back down or shrink away.
He knew. He so knew. What he did and what he is doing. He quickly looked down at the ground and away from me. After we got the papers to fill out before going in he promptly left the room. I took my ground.
We were seen separately and after he went through the doors I completely lost it. I almost passed out twice. I was hyperventilating and shaking so bad my teeth were chattering. But that is not what he saw. And he seemed deflated.
I do not say these things about him to boast or gloat. I let you know that the hardest day of my life, when I had to face the greatest evil I know. I held it together, just long enough, that He Knew I would never be broken by him or under his control ever again!
When it was my turn to go in and he came out I had pulled myself together and he didn't see me losing it. When I walked in to the mediators room. Peace. Oh the Peace. God was so with me in this great hour of need. I was able to calm and say everything important that needed to be said. I was able to let them know why my son was not safe with this man alone.
The mediator was kind and nice and listened and asked me questions. It was 100% the opposite of my last experience. I dreaded this day in mediation. But I came out stronger.
I can't believe how I was able to hold it together. In the Bible it says "when I am weak, (God) you are strong." That is the only way I was able to make it through. I was not alone. I had my defender with me.
It was very surprising later that evening, I had expected to get a ranting voicemail as usual but what I got left me dumbfounded. He thanked me for being there, and for being the mother of my son. He also came just short of an apology.
Yet, I know this man to do anything to get what he wants and I am not letting my guard down at all. I don't trust him or his words. He has proven over and over just how evil and cross talking he is. Not this time.
Court proceedings are still taking place and I am still waiting on my mighty miracle. This is my year of freedom!! I know this was one step in the process. I have conquered what I never thought I could. Facing my attacker with strength and not cowardice.
It was a liberating experience. I wouldn't wish anyone to go through what I have, but when I was able to look at him and feel such pity. I knew I had conquered a huge thing towards my health and emotional freedom. I have taken ground for my son and I for our future. Oh what a bright future it is.
Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. It has been so hard. And so rewarding too.
I will keep you up to date as these next few months and court dates come around. Please continue to pray for us. I appreciate the love and support so much. I could never have gotten through without those supporting us.